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blog 5 b&w   floral 5 This weekend, I am casting my mind back to the days, when I would frequent the mecca that is Boots pharmacy...

pilling my basket to the brim, as if the answer to all my prayers were in that basket. I can still recall how I’d stand before the lip and nail colour counters, endlessly deliberating, as if these were decisions of lifechanging importance.

Then I would trundle back to my apartment in my little Diahatsu, feeling tired and stressed with a heavy heart, and lighter purse; but buoyed, by the knowledge that I had taken an important step in securing my future happiness.

I mean, that new concealer, which promised to sort out those dark circles under my eyes, was sure to make all my dreams come true? right?

Erm…in a word, nope.

How could it have? I wanted to be a bestselling author, so putting more slap on my face wasn’t going to improve my literary skills.

I wanted to be loved, by someone who loved me for who I am inside and outside in my natural state! so transforming myself into somebody different, although it might earn me a few more glances or even a few more dates, wasn’t going to improve my chances there either.

Of course my sources at the time, that is, the tv and magazines I watched and read, were trying to convince me otherwise, but that’s a whole other blog, for a whole other day and I finally had to admit that my ‘Boots addiction’ was taking up too much time, energy and hard earned cash, and had become more of a pain in the butt, than a panacea.  

So, I took a deep breath and asked myself why did I do it? and here’s what I came up with;

  1. I wanted to look beautiful because it kept the feeling, that I wasn’t good enough at bay.
  2. I wanted someone to find me ‘irresistably’ attractive because maybe then my elusive Prince Charming would come riding by on his fiery steed and sweep me away! I know, yawn!
  3. I genuinely enjoyed putting makeup on, it was fun play 'Cinderella' on occasion, and feel all girly and feminine.
  4. I genuinely adored beholding all those beautiful colours and had to admit a particular attachment to my nail varnishes, which I would line up on my dresser or bedside locker, as decorative additions to my bedroom décor!
  5. I felt, that culturally, this was, what was expected of me.

The next questions I asked myself:  Were these valid needs needs? If so, was my ‘Boots addiction’ truly fullfilling them and helping me manifest my dream life? And finally, I asked myself, in fullfilling my needs was I harming any other person, creature or the Earth? A little more soul searching over my beauty habits and here’s what I figured;

  1. I realised that looking ‘prettier’ by societies standards, wasn’t making me feel more worthy, secure or confident, and wasn’t helping me achieve my dreams, whatever the ads said! In fact it was doing the opposite. It was undermining, my sense of self to the extent that I felt ‘naked’ and plain without my makeup. I needed to derive my sense of self from something deeper that was closer to who I really was inside and who I wanted to be. I needed to invest more time, in the things that mattered to me most, which was writing and other creative endevours, enjoying art, books and spending more time in nature, not shopping malls.
  2. Ditto really, I decided that if someone loved me primarily for ‘looking pretty’, it wasn’t what I wanted anyway, as what I wanted was to be accepted and loved for who I really am and admired for traits other than ‘prettiness’.
  3. I didn’t want to give up slapping on a bit of warpaint on occasion. But only when I felt like it, and I definitely didn’t want to slip back into the habit of feeling ashamed to leave the house without being 'plastered' and I could get my 'colour fix' elsewhere!
  4. This one I rebelled against! Human societies, can come up with the most wonderful customs and traditions, but equally as much crap! that we then take on as kids and often feel we have no choice regrading. Well, I had a choice about this and I would wear makeup when I felt like it and stuff cultural norms.

So, my personal decisions for myself, after all this introspection, was firstly, to stop wearing nail varnish and stop wearing makeup on a daily basis, but just wear it the odd time, I felt like 'scrubbing up!'

Secondly, I resolved to find a makeup brand that was cruelty free, fairtrade and organic, which was way harder than expected, but I finally managed to hit upon (including less toxic nail varnish, if I ever fall off the bandwagon there) Of course the ultimate, I believe, would be to russle up my very own homemade mascara, from my kitchen cupboard, but hey, baby steps!

Apreciate you looking in : ) have a great week,

Sophie X