|Another week and I am bewailing my lack of progress with my ebook...|
|...not exactly helped today, by my mother, exclaiming, that she could have written two books in the time, it’s taking me to write one.
Devours some chocolate, yum! to soothe my hurt pride, I mean it’s not easy feeling like a gobshite all of the time. Advice to any other would be writers, for Gods sake, KEEP YOUR WRITING A SECRET!
I tried to defend myself by explaining that books are not easy things to write and anything worth attempting is worth attempting to the best of my ability like; and that a ‘writer’ *cough* needs time to let the creative juices flow and a few other meaningless cliches, I managed to muster in reponse. But between you and me, the truth is, more often than not, an afternoons scribbling, goes something like this;
*Opens up word document, in a frenzy of excitement and begins to feverishing type, good start! gets cocky, oh, that’s funny! haha! haha! maybe I could write a film script too, after I finish the book!!!!!! yep! on a roll today!
*Four lines later, what’s the word I’m looking for here? ah, feck it! ‘Alluring’? no. ‘Desirable’? nope. Googles synonyms; ’sexually attractive’ too obvious, ‘hot’ overused, ‘succulent, not sure if that’s a suitable word to describe an actual human person, sod, stuck.
*Reminds self that four lines, however, is a good start. Rewards self with another chocolate and stares at the screen, for another five minutes, in a chocolate trance, while savouring the creamy sweetness in my mouth, yuuum-meee! then slinks off to the loo in defeat, bringing ipad along for company. Yes, I know! gross habit!
*Checks twitter notifications and makes a mental note to reply later, so as not to get too distracted, then, makes the catastrophic mistake of pausing to glance at twitter timeline and is arrested by Henry Cavill staring back at me. . . oh my! but that man has bulges in all the right places! checks out @Henrycavillnews, emerging from the lavatory some twenty minutes later.
*Shit, that word, really has me stumped. Ok, just skip on. Somehow, cajoles another ten lines out of myself. Chocolate break, just a little piece, to reward self for being so dedicated, while I read back over the ten lines I've just penned.
*Sigh, utter, pile of shite! deletes. I know! maybe if I read a page of Bridget Jones Diary, Helen Fieldings genius will somehow rub off on me, yes! good plan Bridget Jones! Twenty pages on, fuck it! Would you look at the time! Rereads my precious four lines, which don’t sound so funny anymore, ‘I’ll never be half as good as Helen Fielding, I’m fooling myself, I’m a fecking eegit, I’m a failure!!! : ( : ( : (
*Reaches, for chocolate in a reflex action, to halt my descent into utter despair. . . nyum, nyum, nyum! despair? with chocolate around, not a chance! googles, ‘Green and Blacks.com’, ooooh! must try mint the next time or lemon, although raison and hazelnut sound especially scrummy . . . A sudden bout of inspiration strikes, that’s the word I was looking for! tantalising! Well done you! stuffs face with some more chocolate and somehow manages to finish a paragraph.
*That’s a wrap for today, a whole paragraph! Although, wasn’t I supposed to write a full page? Well, yes but *Yawn* I really need to rest up now and I’m hungry and . . .
*I know! I’ll write out a lovely plan of how many words I’ll write every day, starting tomorrow! Yes, starting tomorrow I’ll write 500 words a day, so my book will be finished next, oh. . . I mean 5000 words a day! no, 50, 000 words and I’ll be done in only a few days! excellent plan!
*Finishes off the box! Nyuuum-meeee! because positive reinforcement is very important and bribing myself with chocolate is more effective, than self reproachment.
(shush now, and don’t tell my mammy)
Wishing you all a productive week, chock full of chocolate bribes.
Ps. I also bribe myself with;
1. Music breaks, Madonna’s Rebel heart being my muse at the moment.
2. Wine; need I even mention that?
3. On occasion presents; got myself the most magnificent necklace recently for finishing a chapter.
4. And loo breaks, ‘you’re not allowed visit the toilet until you’ve penned five hundred words’. Yes, writing can be an extreme sport for me sometimes......oops!
Pps. Thalia, is also the name of one of my characters, tiger slippers; Thor, God of thunder, being her alter ego (ie. the other slipper), just in case you were wondering, mmm, you probably weren’t...